How to feel stupid 101

1. Assure your two new roommates that you never use the top padlock of the door to the apartment and that there is no need to have that key.

2. Not realize that your overnight guest has locked that padlock. Fall asleep.

3. Sleep through multiple missed calls (the first of which began at 2:30 am) from (the nicer) Roommate #1.

4. Sleep through a second round of missed calls from an energized Roommate #1, which begins at 4 am with the arrival of (the less forgiving) Roommate #2 (whose cell phone battery had just died) despite the fact that both Roommate #1 and Roommate #2 can hear the obnoxiously unmistakable cell phone ring tone of Rip Van Roommate through the painfully thin walls.

5. Finally wake up at 8 am and use the bathroom, only to be distracted by urgent knocking at the door. Open door and realize that your two new roommates have each slept for the past three hours in the hallway on half a cardboard box. Offer the feeblest of apologies. Barely survive the Death Glares of Roommates #1 and #2 before they make their way to their respective beds to pass out because sleeping on a cardboard box in a hallway is physically uncomfortable and psychologically unpleasant.

Grrr.