Dumb people at the store, Part MMMXLIV

"How do you say 'twenty-four' in your language?"

Me: "Uh... twenty-four."
Him: "What? Oh, haha. You see, I'm a Spanish teacher, so I'm really interested in languages."
Brain: Then you should probably be more culturally and linguistically aware.
Face: [fake smile]
Me: "Just trying to make a point."

"Happy New Year! Oh wait. When do you celebrate New Year?"

Me: "Uh... January first."
Her: "Oh. Were you born in the U.S.?"
Brain: Yes, you ignorant brute. What gave it away? My fluent, unaccented English? The extra twenty pounds I'm carrying? My blue jeans and Converse shoes? Should I assume that you were born in Africa?
Me: "Uh... YEAH."
Her: "Oh wow, so you celebrate with us?"
Brain: Us? US? As a 50-ish black woman in the U.S., shouldn't you be slightly more sensitive to the whole us-versus-them attitude that fucked up this country so bad that we're still recovering from it? What assumptions should I make about you? How the fuck is your Kwanzaa? You celebrate Kwanzaa, right?
Me: "'US'?"
Her: "Happy New Year!"

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Good to know that people are just as ignorant all year long.

Other people's pronunciation

I was at Borders earlier and overheard this sales clerk tell someone about a special holiday coupon offer. There's really nothing wrong with this scenario except that the sales guy pronounced coupon as "kyoo-pon" (as opposed to "koo-pon").

Okay... obviously in a language as widely spoken as English, there are going to be many different ways to say the same thing. I mean, people out West say "pop" for soda and people down South say "Coke" for soda (even for Sprite... which baffles me since Coke is a registered brand name). But this isn't even a regional thing. I mean, I can accept this "pop" and "Coke" and "tennis shoes" business (even in Spanish, the word is "tenis" which drives me insane!), but I have a serious problem with kyoo-pon. Apparently, there are people in the Northeast who say "kyoo-pon"! (I first became aware of this dreadful pronunciation in that episode of "Friends" where Monica bragged about her date's diplomatic kyoo-pons to Phoebe whereas Phoebe's date couldn't even SAY kyoo-pons. I just thought Courteney Cox was weird.)

Why would you say kyoo-pon? Whence came this random "yoo"?

Boo... dictionary.com sanctions this pronunciation. How upsetting. Anyway, if it is not yet clear... I would like to state that "kyoo-pon" sounds stupid and people should say koo-pon. If this seems closed-minded and ignorant of the diversity of the people who speak English... well... I guess all I can say is that people should follow what I say because I'm awesome and everyone should be like me.

:-)

Has anybody seen "August Rush"?

I haven't, but there's something that bugs me about the trailer.

There's a scene when present-day Bend It Like Beckham looks at a Polaroid of him and Felicity lying together in bed many years ago. From what I know about the plot, their characters had a one-night stand and then don't see each other until Charlie and the Chocolate Factory grows up and becomes a pre-teen conductor. While holding the Polaroid, Bend It Like Beckham is (presumably) wistful and is thinking back to the night that he and Felicity conceived Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

So... where the hell did this Polaroid come from? It's like an aerial shot of them in bed sleeping. Did he have a camera set up to snap a picture of them looking so contentedly asleep? Is there a missing scene from the trailer that is included in the film in which Bend It Like Beckham asks his neighbor to come into his apartment and take one of those fake candid shots?

So yeah. I'm curious.

I judge gross clothing and their owners

There's this guy who comes to the store every few weeks... we'll call him Screech. So Screech is probably in his late 20's or so and owns a TON of designer jeans (Rock & Republic, True Religion, 7 For All Mankind, etc.). He brings and picks up like ten pairs each time he comes, so he must own at LEAST twenty pairs or something. We don't talk much, but he seemed like a nice enough guy. I figured that a guy who put that much thought into his appearance probably had enough sense to apply this things-on-the-surface-are-meant-to-look-nice philosophy to other areas of his life as well.

Wrong! The other day, Screech brought a leather vest with a huge picture of Yosemite Sam stitched on the back. (Okay, there are already like three things wrong with that image.) Not only is this incredibly tacky... above Yosemite Sam were the words "PUSSY PATROL" in big red letters.

CONS:

1. Screech has revealed his true disgusting nature; therefore I judge him. Harshly. (Even if said vest does not belong to him, he associates with people who would wear that thing and that is also judge-able.) Unfortunately, my involuntary judging of him evokes a sense of shame in my overly P.C.'d brain that tells me repeatedly not to judge. So not only do I feel disgust... I feel guilt. Boo.

2. I am appalled to know that such sexually degrading and aesthetically hideous clothing is actually manufactured and sold. Does the little Vietnamese kid who puts the vest into the machine for stitching wonder why Yosemite Sam would bother assuming said responsibility when he and Sylvester had so few scenes together?

PROS:

1. This situation has refuted my theory that Screech is gay. (He is not gay; he is just disgusting.) But at least I have the truth.



Gross. He just looks so... DIRTY to me now.